Relieved!
Yes!
Past few days I've been bottling up my emotions/frustration,I've spilled it all out yesterday.(Thanks Yaz for your shoulder!)
As I was messaging with the ex-fiance while waiting for Yaz at the salon,tears rolled down freely from my eyes.
I missed him.
Yes.
Ya know,everytime whenever I argued with Khairul,for sure the ex-fiance will pop up in my head.
He was the best.
I mean not that best lah but good!
So last night,he came down town to meet up with me & Yaz.
He has grown.
Bigger biceps,but still short!haha!
When we were together,I never failed to ask him this question,'sayang i tak'?
&& last night,I for fun,asked him that question.
&& his answers made me teared for the 2nd time,in the train.
While walking back home as he was sending me back,again,for fun,I asked that question.
&& I teared for the 3rd time!
I trusted & believed his words,as almost a year we were together,he never played behind my back,he never twisted his words & whatnots.
It was my fault we separated when all the while,we lead a happy lifestyle that I've always wanted.
&& now the regrets grows slowly.
I messaged and thanked him for meeting up & sending me back.
&& he was askin,'betul ke u syg i ni?'
i had no choice but to speak the truth.
i told him i regretted our engagement was called off.
&& he said we could start from scratch again.
&& i replied that i'm not ready.i'm not ready to face our family after all the arguments and hassles.
&& that was the stop to our conversation.
At times,I thought...
if only our engagement wasn't called off,I bet by now,our life together would be a blessed and blissful one.
&& we would be buzy saving up and preparing for our big day.
haiz...
it's all...IF ONLY...
I'm not being fickled,confused or being some kinda playgirl.NOT!
This is just my thoughts,my feelings.
I can't bottle everything up till I don't know when.
I have to at least vent what I have,only then I'll be okay.
I guess,I've typed enough.
Till then.
After months goin oohh-aahh,now I can finally lay my hands on it and call my own.
I decided to change phone since my N73 Music Edition lags too much.
And after much browsing,Nokia 6500 slide caught my eye.
Elegant yet classy.
That's what I like bout it.
Not much of different from other Nokia (s).
Only that I can finally put pictures as my wall paper without any hassle.
I'm contented for now.
Period.
It's time of the month now,he better be good or else I'll turn bad for sure!
Till then.
**I miss you boy...
I realised,I missed doin these 2 things.
Late night DBL-O-ing,Zouk-ing & Hard Rock-ing,
The sun,the sand & The sea,
Town-ing till late night.
Yes,it's been months since I last had those.
I think it's time for me to have a little fun again,time to go beach-ing.
But,he's like too buzy with work!
And our time clashes a whole lot.
We could only meet and go out at night!
Just like an owl.
&& his offs soo tak tentu!
I think I might have to do some things without him.
I'll see how things goes for the mean time.
If it's still the same,some changes has to be made.
Compromising & Understanding is the keyword.
Till then.
Big shoutout to a cousin,
and now....they are legally husband & wife,
And we cousins can never miss to do this,
Till then.
**Events on mum's side has always been this fun!&& i'm lovin it!
I think I've to let it out.
The more I keep,the more I wanna break down.
Since weeks ago,I've been missing the ex-fiance.
I dunno why.
My mistake,to let it all go.
Yes,regrets starting to arise slowly altho my life is all good now.
Being with him has always been a happy journey.
We have never argued nor quarrelled.Never.
I never have to worry bout my cash flows.
I never have to worry with whom I wanna go out or hang out with.
&
He has never retaliates to whatever I want.
He has never objects to anythink I say.
He got along so well with all my family members including all the cousins.
He never fails to ask bout my siblings.
He never fails to ask if my family have eaten or not whenever we are on the way back when we go out.
He never fails to bring my siblings & little cousins out whenever he has the time.And their bonds was close.
He's not shy to even scolds them when somethings that they do is not right. (that's what my granny likes bout him)
He pampers me just too much.
He was that soft-hearted guy.
All he did was,he cried at the end of our relationship/engagement ordeal.
We did most of the things together.
I was there whenever he had his takraw tournaments/trainings.
He never fails to accompany me in the kitchen whenever he wants me to cook and whatsmore helping me out and taking over when I'm tired.
We club together,most of the time (it's where we met after many long years & i love seeing him on the dancefloor) .
Town has been our everyweek hangout be it only the both of us or with his mates.
Basically,everything together!
Yes,and all of a sudden,as I'm leading this happy life now,all the memories we had,had to popped up.
urgghhh!
And he said, "I was wishing for you to come back to me coz all I want is only you to be with me but I think all that is just a dream for me now".
(When he asked if I wanna be back together,what bothers me was our family.Will our family accept the both of us again?)
And I replied, "We'll meet if we are destined to be together".
If only...he convinced and assured me that he'll work hard for our future together which was supposed to be in 2 years time,things would prolly turn just the way we wanted it to be & whatsmore,we would & we could be happier now and even later.
If only...we could turn back time...
I feel much better now.
Till then.
.weekends love.
(get well soon baby...!)
And...I was one happy woman last night!
Because....
I finally found Red Earth!!!
yeayyy!
Eversince I found out Esprit was not carrying anymore make-ups,depressed sia skejap!!
Didn't know which make up I could turn to,and with the help of the ex-fiance at that point of time,I 'peng' to Loreal.
and...it sucks big time lah!
giving me pimples non-stop!
sungguh benci!
Hopefully havin Red Earth with me,it will do my face good like before.
No pimples pleasee!!
Till then.
