Relieved!

Yes!

Past few days I've been bottling up my emotions/frustration,I've spilled it all out yesterday.(Thanks Yaz for your shoulder!)

As I was messaging with the ex-fiance while waiting for Yaz at the salon,tears rolled down freely from my eyes.

I missed him.

Yes.

Ya know,everytime whenever I argued with Khairul,for sure the ex-fiance will pop up in my head.

He was the best.

I mean not that best lah but good!

So last night,he came down town to meet up with me & Yaz.

He has grown.

Bigger biceps,but still short!haha!

When we were together,I never failed to ask him this question,'sayang i tak'?

&& last night,I for fun,asked him that question.

&& his answers made me teared for the 2nd time,in the train.

While walking back home as he was sending me back,again,for fun,I asked that question.

&& I teared for the 3rd time!

I trusted & believed his words,as almost a year we were together,he never played behind my back,he never twisted his words & whatnots.

It was my fault we separated when all the while,we lead a happy lifestyle that I've always wanted.

&& now the regrets grows slowly.

I messaged and thanked him for meeting up & sending me back.

&& he was askin,'betul ke u syg i ni?'

i had no choice but to speak the truth.

i told him i regretted our engagement was called off.

&& he said we could start from scratch again.

&& i replied that i'm not ready.i'm not ready to face our family after all the arguments and hassles.

&& that was the stop to our conversation.

At times,I thought...

if only our engagement wasn't called off,I bet by now,our life together would be a blessed and blissful one.

&& we would be buzy saving up and preparing for our big day.

haiz...

it's all...IF ONLY...

I'm not being fickled,confused or being some kinda playgirl.NOT!

This is just my thoughts,my feelings.

I can't bottle everything up till I don't know when.

I have to at least vent what I have,only then I'll be okay.

I guess,I've typed enough.

Till then.