It was your tahlil yesterday,and 1 week since you left us.
I was there,with the rest of our cousins,just for you.
I am still not over it fully.
I cried again yesterday,when BuKin hugged me and when me & Nab had a convo in your room.
The text message that you sent me half an hour before you left,insya'allah,I will keep it for the rest of my life as it reminds me how & what happened,& it is just so meaningful to me although to others it may just be a normal text message.
Myself & family is just so thankful that we get to spend time with you 2 days before you left.
It will take sometime for us to really let go of the pain as your presence in everyone's life have been meaningful in many ways.
Your loss was a deep impact to us all.
&&& I can never stop crying whenever I see this videoclip of yours.It just made me wanna hug you so tigh,kiss you on your forehead and tells you how much I am missing you.



For now,you rest in peace dear love...
Insya'allah,I will visit you.
I LOVE YOU & I AM MISSING YOU SO MUCH!

In Loving Memory of my dear cousin,
Muhammad Salleh Bin Abd Aziz
08/04/1987 - 27/02/2010

It's a double blow for us this year,just like how it happened 12 years ago.
2 pemergian in a month and both related.
12 years ago...one of our uncle left the world of a heart attack and a week later,his own anak sedare left,in a plane crash.
Now...just last Friday,our nenek sedare left,of an illness,a week later on Sat morning,her cucu sedare left in an accident.

I'm still in a state of shocked.
It was just 2 days before he passed on,he came over to my place wanting to see his 2 nephews.He ate,he sat,he played chess with my bro,he borrowed my helmet,and that night when he came to return me back the helmet,that was the last time I saw him.
On Sat morning,he texted me at 0730 am that he'll be going to another cousin's house for our nenek sedare's 7 hari tahlil alone,but I think 1/2 or 1 hr later,I got the shocked of my life for the first time when mom woke me up saying that he met with and accident and passed away on the spot.
I broke down so bad.
Saturday night,we were supposed to have fun with the rest of the cousins,but it turned out the other way.
It was unbelievable.I did whatever I could.I double checked my phone to see the date and time of the message that he sent me & I even tried calling him,but to no avail.
I showered and rushed down to the accident scene.
What I saw...was very unexpected.
My heartbeat went really fast.
The impact of everything...
As I trembled,I still stayed till he was brought back to the hospital for the post mortem.
I couldn't sleep.Whenever I close my eyes,he'll appear.

I was so much waiting for him anxiously with the rest of the cousins,at his place but he left the hospital only at 4pm.
It was a little rushing as we we chasing for time before maghrib for his burial.
And there was this part when all the women was asked to leave the house for a while as the men did the prayers at home.
So,I went down to the void deck since dorang nak sembahyang asar and when I returned back in less than 10 minutes,wanting to see him so bad,nak taborkan pacai,what I was told by my mom was..."dah,dah abis dah..mayat dah nak turon pegi kubur"
Imagined how I felt?
I regretted...I regretted I went down to the void deck.
I cried so bad when they put him dalam tempat mayat,getting ready to leave.

All of us followed him to his new home where we know he's in good hands.
I recite some prayers from far,only when his lot was spacious,I went near to have a last look.
I couldn't bear to leave him...
When everybody was leaving,I went down to his lot again,recite another prayer and then I really left.
Even after everything is done,my mind was and is still in a daze up till today.
I still cry whenever I think of it.
He was the one who'll always asked us cousins if wwe are going to any of the family occasions if there is.
He have always wanted us cousins to have that strong bond,close relationship.
It was just recently when the boys started blending themselves in among each other,but sadly,it was a short one for him...

"Cuz...I still can't believe you've left all of us.As much as I want you back,I know it's way very impossible.I know I should redha with your loss.It'll definitely takes time for me to really,really accept the truth.You are now at your new home,in good hands.Your loss is a real calling for the remaining us to repent and appreciate each other selagi hayat masih ade.How much you wanted all of us,the 3rd generation cousins to have close bond,strong relationship,insya'allah...we will,for you Love.Cuz...how I wish I could hug you tight telling you how much I love and badly missing you..."

Al-Fateha.